Horns & Hooves
I Am the Skel Messiah
Invictus Productions / Stygian Black Hand
Released: 6/17/22
Version Reviewed: Cassette, Limited Edition of 133 copies
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A1 – Gape My Blackened Hearts
A2 – Baphomet in Steel
A3 – Amphetamines and Red Molochian Dreams (Prelude to Gooning)
A4 – Blasphemic Gooning
B1 – Endless Rosary
B2 – A Wailing, and a Weeping, and a Busting ov Cheeks
B3 – Narcanaanite (The Infernal Dose)
B4 – I Am the Skel Messiah
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Admittingly, Horns & Hooves’ I Am the Skel Messiah is an album whose content falls into a category of something along the lines of either you’re going to understand it fully or you’re not. And, yes, it’s going to impact the way you’ll enjoy it. It’s modern street black metal that deals with subject content that’s certainly not typical for conventional black metal. Popping Adderall, jerking off, getting your asshole stretched, things of that nature, if perhaps this isn’t the subject content you’re looking for in black metal, you’re probably better off stopping here and checking out a different band. This is degenerate music geared for degenerate people.
If you’re still here, you’re a sick fuck. You have problems. We should be friends.
I Am the Skel Messiah consists of eight tracks: six proper songs and two interludes. It’s off-kilter raw black metal with a bit of sloppiness to it, possessing somewhat of a punk edge. While raw, it is not pure treble-worship, it’s frontal and in your face, it’s not corpse-paint and theatrics-style black metal as much as it is gutter piss and spilled malt liquor.
From the opening bass lines of ‘Gape My Blackened Hearts,’ the raunchy frontal assault becomes apparent quickly. Spasming blastbeats and whammy bar molestations give way to bizarre talk-box breakdowns as multi-instrumentalist Malebolge screeches out wild vocals about castration and having his urethra spread open. The vocals are high in the mix, so you’ll have ever scream piercing your eardrums and they’ll be doing it frequently.
From there, the album enters a massive eight-minute track, ‘Baphomet in Steel,’ an epic loaded with wild lyrics, screaming vocals, and raging double solos from Malebolge and guitarist Salpsan. The frequent tempo changes do nothing but add to the enmity of the track as a whole, whipping from raging tempests fueled by blastbeats to more rock-oriented headbanging sections of slower measure.
‘Amphetamines and Red Molochian Dreams (Prelude to Gooning)’ is the first interlude of I Am the Skel Messiah, which serves as an intro of sorts for the following song. One could argue that this throws off the pace of the record by injecting an unnecessary stopgap between songs, adding some bizarre pornographic drug-fueled sequence that you couldn’t possibly listen to at loud volumes…one could also argue, being able to relate to the content of the interlude, it enhances the experience, driving one further into the record. Again, as stated at the beginning of the review, the subject content is not typical for black metal, you can either relate to it or you can’t. You have either been here or you haven’t.
‘Blasphemic Gooning’ pulls the listener back to the grinding degenerate filth. A track combining both death metal sensibility early on with a melodic breakdown towards the close of the track, all whilst singing about tweaking, jerking off to internet porn, and incest.
‘Endless Rosary’ opens with a furious tapping solo followed by grinding chords and furious blasting. Lyrics about fecal discharge are met by a break and a big sniff into the microphone, a cowbell brings in a breakdown for a mosh section and the filth ends.
Much like ‘Baphomet in Steel,’ ‘A Wailing, and a Weeping, and a Busting ov Cheeks’ is another long epic track. It begins with slower riffing and Orabas’ drumming builds into rapid, continuous double-bass. A thrashier segment takes hold for a portion of the song that leads to guest vocals from a horny version of a Sodomite God himself before breaking down into a raging solo from Malebolge.
‘Narcanaanite (The Infernal Dose)’ is the second and final interlude on the album, a bizarre segment on corrupt drug-pushing cops that leads in the proper album closer and title track ‘I Am the Skel Messiah,’ another epic black metal rager inline with tracks such as ‘Gape my Blackened Hearts’ and ‘Blasphemic Gooning,’ that’s carried early on by a ripping single-note tremolo-picked melody before dropping a shit-hot Iron Maiden-style break, an absolutely gorgeous transition. Clean guitars enter the mix for an extended period before transitioning into a soaring 80’s-style metal break, complete with gang vocal harmonies. Another devasting solo is laid down over a screaming blastbeat and the words “Satan, bust me down” is screamed out as the album is brought to a close.
Pound for pound, this is a great record. Street black metal that is completely irresponsible, it throws every possible technique imaginable into the spoon, heats it up and pulls it into the syringe to create a slamming shit speedball of chaos and filth to overdose on. It’s not for everybody. It was not created with everybody in mind. If you’re worried about genre purity and things like that, you’ll probably hate this record, if you want a wild ride stacked with ripping solos and powerful, disgusting, filthy songs with equally filthy lyrics to boot, this is your fix right here. This is some scab-picking, yellow-skinned junkie metal. This will make you steal twenty dollars out of your grandma’s purse.
Label: Invictus Productions
Label: Stygian Black Hand
Band: Horns & Hooves
-AJK
apanthropy 
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